My husband and I have been together for 11 yrs now. During our time we have had many ups and downs, like all couples. Together we have also been through some unusually difficult circumstances. I had lost both of my parents by the time I was 27 and my husband and I lost our oldest son almost 3 years ago, still in our late twenties. This experiences was a make it or break it for us. I was at the point in my life where I no longer cared to make it work. It almost seemed easier to give up on us and start fresh. They say to make a relationship work, both people have to want it. Maybe that is true for many, but in our case Shane wanted it and I allowed it, I tolerated it. At our worst moments, I did not want it. Much can happen in three years. We are not perfect, who is, but I have a renewed sense of hope and want. I want to let my husband know that I love him and appreciate him. I am sick of keeping score. For the next 32 days I am committed to being a giver in our relationship.
Day 1-made Shane dinner, brought it to him and scratched his back while he dozed off on my lap :-)
Day 2-rented the hobbit for him, and bonded over some McDonald's playland time. This may sound kinda simple, but we never really go out and it was surprisingly sweet to share a booth while the kids burned off some energy. A rude mother made a snarky comment about my beautiful little girls unique sense of style and my hubby let her know she was being nasty. I am not as outgoing as he is and for that moment he was my hero!!! He handled it with Shane style :-)
Day 3- Yay Friday!! My husband and I really didn't do anything special. He got off work early, my daughter had a sleepover with my friends daughter. The weather was amazing outside, yet it ended up being one of the evenings that flew by. It was a day for him to spend time with Isaiah and I talked with my friend Tracey and then went to bed.
Day 4- Saturday...Two birthday parties to go to, a broke down mini van to fix, and three weeks worth of laundry (I only did the minimum while my best friend was in town and now it bites me in the butt, we have nothing to wear ; )So day four was stressful to say the least. In spite of the craziness, I made him a nice breakfast in bed. Also it was a day with Shane's family, the first b-day party was for two of our nephews. Shane's sister has a very strong personality. She has a mood disorder. Luckily she was in a great mood and the party turned out great. Shane however made a very rude comment about my dead mother in front of most of his family. There went my attempt at niceness. The day was pretty much ruined for me and him, I avoided him as much as possible the rest of the night.
Day 5- Sunday was cleaning and laundry day. He actually helped me fold and put away a mountain of clothes. I think he was trying to make up for Saturday. Even so we were both in bad moods. We talked about things but it still doesn't feel resolved.
Day 6-It's Monday, what can I say? Actually I woke up convinced after crying myself to so called sleep last night, that the best thing I could do for myself today was get the kids off to school and go back to bed, but after finishing up my algebra homework I had a change of heart. I dragged my self to school, and I'm glad! We covered some important things in each class. As I drove home in a mess of fat snowflakes, I decided to make stew for dinner. Shane came home in a great mood (or maybe it was the delicious smell of dinner, either way he seemed happy) He was very attentive and after dinner I was happy to let him veg out with the guys to some call of duty without complaint. Good deed done for the day!!!
Day 7-Tuesday both the hubby and I were in a kind of blah mood. Still we did our best not to take it out on eachother. It is almost my daughters birthday, and our son who passed away, his birthday is the day after hers. This time of year sucks!!! Its beautiful and Spring is all about life. In my family there are 11 birthdays, 2 of my kids, the hubbys, sister, brother, brother in law and 4 nephews and one best friend. We are often more broke this time of year than at Christmas time. It is still very hard to deal with Shines birthday yet we have to be strong for Kayla and all the others. Last night we watched the first episode of Resurrection. People have been talking about it but I didn't think I was strong enough to watch a show about the dead returning. Especially when a main charactor is an 8 yr old boy. My son was 9. Anyway, together we watched it and went on to watch 3 more episodes. Together we also held hands and cried. I think it was a much needed cry though. People handle grief differently and I think men and women are very different. It was nice to come together, in our quiet little way. I am going to have to take it one day at a time, just like I have been, and hopefully I can find the strength to make Shane feel special on his birthday, 3 days after Shine's.
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